I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
