I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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