Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
