I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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