Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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