I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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