it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
