im drinking this country out of the recession.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
