We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
