I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
