SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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