babies were throwing up all over the place
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just gift wrapped bread.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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