yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize