its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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