There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
