Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
