McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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