I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
