i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
