my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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