so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
