The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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