I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
