mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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