new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
