Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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