when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
