My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
