My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
