TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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