Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
