thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
