it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize