it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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