Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
