hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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