Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
