Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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