I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
