laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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