We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
