your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
