Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
