apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
