Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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