Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.

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(586): You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/ddou

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(415): View more from California

The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.

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(415): The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now. http://tfl.nu/v0wm

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(602): View more from Arizona

im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.

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(602): im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child. http://tfl.nu/zwuo

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(404): View more from Georgia

She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.

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(404): She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves. http://tfl.nu/q9n8

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(740): View more from Ohio

He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

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(740): He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over http://tfl.nu/br0o

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.

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(201): I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself. http://tfl.nu/c8lm

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.

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(859): I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college. http://tfl.nu/f01w

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(206): View more from Washington

Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.

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(206): Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night. http://tfl.nu/zl6t

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(315): View more from New York

i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.

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(315): i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there. http://tfl.nu/6jl7

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(432): View more from Texas

I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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(432): I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame. http://tfl.nu/e3aq

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(770): View more from Georgia

You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.

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(770): You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building. http://tfl.nu/mjb6

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.

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(+44): I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring. http://tfl.nu/y78v

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year

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(414): Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year http://tfl.nu/dko3

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.

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(808): Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard. http://tfl.nu/xtbf

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over

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(202): just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over http://tfl.nu/f4tt

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