I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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