This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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