Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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