I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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