Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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