remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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