My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize