It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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