im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
