I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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