So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need moral support for this bender
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
