i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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