I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
